looking ahead

sitting here, i'm wondering whats in store for me. what is my true destiny? all i can think of are my dreams, my wants, and if they will truly happen. do i deserve to be happy, do i deserve to get everything i dream of? what have i given to this life to get any rewards? do i still have to continue to give and think nothing will be returned? its scary, people are happy. i was once. will it happen again? or will life tease me until i die...dangling opportunities in my face, just to see my reaction. life is a book of chapters, i've closed 2 already, but how many are left....am i living a short story, or a novel...i have yet to figure that out. childhood is so innocent, no worries, only care is wondering if the popluar girls will accept you, and invite you to their slumber party. looking now, adulthood can be that slumber party, finding where you fit in, feeling accepted. finding your "niche" and what your meant to be. who knew 5th grade was a living metaphor...?

i'm lost...i've found a want. but i can't have it. not yet anyway. an overwhelming need to be with someone, that i can't even touch, see, smell, feel, hear laugh, watch how their mouth moves when they speak... i think of the little things i yearn for.... buying groceries and only thinking of them and what they'd want to eat, filling my car with gas and wondering if they needed a snack from inside the store, seeing a shirt at the mall, and wondering if they'd like to have it.
only communication is text and voice, i crave touch, a whole different communication. expression of affection, "i am into you, i like you, you make me feel good" type of words with no sound. a kiss on the forehead says "i adore you", a touch of a hand says "i need you", a deep kiss says "i want you"

this is a simple desire, my destiny will be fulfilled, i know it. its something i can't control, things are already in place for me. i just have to live the role, and watch it happen. we were given free will, but i think 2 decisions were put in front of us, and each has a different path drawn out, but in the end, they meet, and each path was a different learning experience.

i'm living my life as if i won't be here tomorrow. taking every moment in and analyzing it to the fullest. finding the "FAB"....an expression at work, but it carries in life....whats the "feature, application, and benefit"