alone

i'm starting to come down from my high, i'm feeling incredeibly lonely. it was nice being by myself and finding who i was hiding inside of this body for some time, but now, i feel lost again. i left a part of me in canada, for someone else to keep until we are able to share it together. every morning i wake up and wish i could see a completely different atmosphere, another world, sharing it with another person. it hurts greatly to have this feeling....and there is nothing that can change that right now, no matter how bad i want it to change.
i've never felt this way before about someone. such a need to be near them, hear his voice, touch his face, see him from across a room. i don't know for sure when i'll be able to see gareth, i hope in july if we can figure it out. i wish it was tomorrow. i look at our pictures we took together 2 weekends ago, and it seems like only yesterday i could feel his arms around me. then i realize how far away he is, and wonder if he looks up at the sky like i do and sees the same moon that i see.
i am truly in love, and i know now what love is about. its having such an emotional attachment for someone, so unconditionally, passionately, and caring that nothing else matters. as crazy as it sounds, i want to share everything with him. it freaks me out how much i think about him, which is basically 24/7, and i have to talk myself down so i don't get upset that i can't be near him.
i know this will be a long process, its the waiting that is the hardest. i know i'm meant to be with him. i dream of us living together, eating dinner together, coming home and asking if he would like to watch a movie, sitting in our computer room together working on our own things...just being "together." we talk about our future, and it sounds so amazing, and so right.
here's what i love about gareth:
the way his dimples crease on his face when he smiles, the way he smiled at me during our first date, how patient he is with me when i get ready to go out, how much he loves his animals, when i hold his hand, the way he switches the grip so our fingers intertwine perfectly, when he looks at me my heart melts, the way he gently touches my face when he kisses me, how sensitive and caring he is, the way he talks to strangers with such compassion, how proud he was to speak to my parents, how important making decisions to better his life are to him, the fact that he has a close relationship with his family...do i need to go on? this guy is amazing. have i mentioned how much in love with him i am?