a gift
we are given many choices in life, but some things we can't choose. people are put in our lives for a reason, to teach us, guide us, and inspire us. i've never realized the importance of 2 people in my life until tonight. i never realized how the little insignificant moments can be so influential in the big picture, and the effect they had over me. i was a mom. i am a mom. emily and camryn were put in my life for a reason.
the thought of them tingles in my heart everyday, and puts a smile on my face. ![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1086/1005/200/cam21.jpg)
however, tonight, the thought of them brings tears and heartbreak. the effect 2 little girls have on me is overwhelming. i didn't give birth, but i feel like they are a part of me. my heart is aching, just to hear them laugh, or watch them draw on the sidewalk with chalk. stepping over the backpacks in front of the door where they were dropped the minute we walked in the house. barbie clothes scattered throughout the house, like little reminders. early saturday mornings, feeling small hands wrap around your chest as they snuggle up next to you in bed and watch cartoons. eating a bowl of cereal for dinner. being punished by my 5 year old teacher because i didn't have my homework done when we played school. i miss them terribly. the thing that hurts the most, i always knew they were brought to me as a gift, because i've been told it would be very difficult for me to have children. motherhood was dangled in front of me, and i embraced it, giving my complete love to them, teaching them, guiding them, and inspiring them. all the while, not knowing, they were doing the same for me. they've taught me to love, be patient, kind, and giving. they guided me to be a better person, and inspired me to give my love to others unconditionally, just like they did to me. i wasn't their mother, but they made me feel like it. tonight i'm sad. i'm angry. i'm upset that i cannot be the mother that i was. the mother who taught them how to write their name, taught them how to ride a bike, taught them how to share. i'm angry. i'm angry that i won't be able to watch them grow up, fall in love for the first time, tell them how beautiful they look when they try on their first prom dress, watch them walk down the aisle at graduation, and be there when they start a family. i won't be able to tell them how proud i am of them. i hope they remember me, and what i taught them. i will always remember what they taught me.
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1086/1005/200/em1.jpg)
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1086/1005/200/cam21.jpg)
however, tonight, the thought of them brings tears and heartbreak. the effect 2 little girls have on me is overwhelming. i didn't give birth, but i feel like they are a part of me. my heart is aching, just to hear them laugh, or watch them draw on the sidewalk with chalk. stepping over the backpacks in front of the door where they were dropped the minute we walked in the house. barbie clothes scattered throughout the house, like little reminders. early saturday mornings, feeling small hands wrap around your chest as they snuggle up next to you in bed and watch cartoons. eating a bowl of cereal for dinner. being punished by my 5 year old teacher because i didn't have my homework done when we played school. i miss them terribly. the thing that hurts the most, i always knew they were brought to me as a gift, because i've been told it would be very difficult for me to have children. motherhood was dangled in front of me, and i embraced it, giving my complete love to them, teaching them, guiding them, and inspiring them. all the while, not knowing, they were doing the same for me. they've taught me to love, be patient, kind, and giving. they guided me to be a better person, and inspired me to give my love to others unconditionally, just like they did to me. i wasn't their mother, but they made me feel like it. tonight i'm sad. i'm angry. i'm upset that i cannot be the mother that i was. the mother who taught them how to write their name, taught them how to ride a bike, taught them how to share. i'm angry. i'm angry that i won't be able to watch them grow up, fall in love for the first time, tell them how beautiful they look when they try on their first prom dress, watch them walk down the aisle at graduation, and be there when they start a family. i won't be able to tell them how proud i am of them. i hope they remember me, and what i taught them. i will always remember what they taught me.
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1086/1005/200/girls.jpg)
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